I read a great Christian parenting book recently and came away more frustrated than before. The author did a tremendous job writing about showing your children grace because you have received God’s grace. He wrote about teaching them the law and God’s expectations because they need boundaries to guide them and help them to live life as God has intended. Yet as I anxiously awaited to hear the practical application of these very important principles, I closed out the chapter with silence.
Angrily, I wondered what kind of author would tell its readers to implement these very hard principles without any practical steps for the everyday situations they would run into?
For example, if my child has worn my patience so thin for the hundredth time today and I am so sick of telling them not to fight with their sister, do I walk into that room and deliver the law and the consequences? Or do I show them grace because I know that I need God’s grace when I constantly continue to make bad choices?
When my seven year old son continues to put down others and point out their siblings flaws, do I reprimand him for a bad attitude and put him in time-out or do I gently explain to him that he doesn’t need to feel inadequate and give him a hug?
Where is the book that holds these answers? Why can’t I find a good Christian book that will tell me if my child does this, do that. If they hit their sister, no Nintendo Switch for 2 days. If they speak disrespectfully, wash their mouth out, etc…
As I frustratingly pondered this dilemma, I felt the Lord gently share. Why run to a book for these answers when I could run to Him? The One who created my child, knows them better than I do, and loves them more than I can even comprehend.
Jesus wants us to turn to Him for everything. EVERYTHING. He does not grow tired of us asking for His help. In fact, He relishes giving us the wisdom and discernment for everything we face. He wants us to enjoy our relationship with Him, receiving the wisdom and power only He can give, and allowing us to see past our children’s actions to their heart issues.
In my pride, I wanted answers apart from asking for God’s guidance and counsel every day, every situation I face with my children. I did not want to stop and ask God to speak to my heart whether it was a discipline situation or simply a teaching moment.
There is not going to be a book that is going to tell you how to parent your child because God is the One who knows your child best. A book, no matter how wonderful the writer is, doesn’t know your child’s heart, their strengths, their weaknesses, their little insecurities and secrets that only God sees.
There is never a one size fits all answer to each individual situation we will face with our children. We should read books and God can definitely use them to give us good ideas and principles but for the day to day moments of our life, we must run to the One who made them and ask for His help and wisdom.
I met a single mom a few years back who had some really good high school kids. They were a joy to her, and she was so important in their lives. You could feel that their relationship with their mom was one of true love and respect. I, of course, asked her what was the magic formula to getting kids to turn out like this?
Her answer was that she turned to God for wisdom in each moment of parenting. She would pause and ask for His help before responding to her children. Often, He would direct her to respond in a way she didn’t plan.
I tried this out the other day. My seven year old middle child always feels the need to be better than his siblings, friends, and others. Constantly comparing himself and competing, he makes his sister mad and fights often break out between them.
As I prayed for discernment after again another fight started brewing, I looked right at Peyton and God’s wisdom spoke right to his heart. I told him that he was enough. That he didn’t have to compete with anyone, that God had made him so wonderful also and that he was given unique and special gifts. I saw the look in Peyton’s eyes as he received what I had said, the sheepish smile he gave, and the fight ceased. Thank You Lord for Your Wisdom!
As I finish writing this blog, one son has hit another in the head, two children are crying, and chaos has broken out yet again. So I am going to pause, take a moment to ask God for help, and continue walking with Him as He leads me in helping me to teach, love, and discipline these little ones He has given me to parent.
Never on my own, He is always available and ready to help me as I lean on Him.
I love this verse I read years ago when my first born was just a newborn:
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;
He gently leads those that have young.
Isaiah 40:11
Jesus holds our little ones close to His heart. He promises to gently lead us mothers and fathers.
Lord, help us to remember to ask You for your guidance and wisdom before responding to our children in the day to day moments of our lives. We know that You know our children better than we ever will. Thank You that You desire for us to walk humbly with You and that You love for us to turn to You in everything.
Amen.
For the One 